Massive flooding in Pakistan.
Should we give some aid? You know, a little PR. Or do we want the Taliban swooping in and building another generation of loyal followers/enablers/hiders?
I mean, I’d like some jobs here, but, still… if we’re so worried about terrorism that Rep. Peter King still has a job…
Food for thought…

“Cheryl, you remembah that guy I met at Dee-Gee? The guy with the thing! He followed me around for like a week, and now he’s all into going down the shore wid us. All into it. I told him, ‘Dave, we’re going to a guido fist-bumping place, but if you wanna, bring your tank and we’ll do it.’ He’s got dimples.”

Nice.

The Boss Passes Away

As a die hard Red Sox fan, I offer sincere condolences to my many Yankee friends.
I “hated” the guy, but he was a character who reminded us all of the absurdity of sports and of life.

(Tomorrow you may all resume sucking).

Check this out.

The Thrive Project

Good people, good cause, good area (’twas where I grew up).

Please $upport as much as you can.

Idiot
Sad thing is, 30% of the voters will believe him.

When the Republicans claim to worry about “judicial activism,” I wonder, by “judicial activism” do they mean rulings like today’s on guns rights, or the one last week on “honest services,” or the one in January on corporate rights and campaign finance, or the one they want over turning health care reform?

I’m not clear which instance of overturning of the express legislative will of the people is “activist.”

Gosh, politics is so hard sometimes.

On Showbiz Tonight, talking important issues of the day:

They cut my fave lines, including, but not limited to:
“This is why the Mets always choke. They had one of the greatest comedians of all time, and they traded him for a flash-in-the-pan and a pop star to be named later”
But that’s okay.

Am on HLN’s Showbiz Tonight, again… tonight. 5pm & 11pm EST. Talking important* issues of the day.

Busy one today… USA Football, that thing, fundraiser out in Joisey, etc. etc. When it rains… it’s wet.

- Kreisler

* Meh, sorta.

Sorry for silence. Been busy… travel, secret projects sure to make me taller and thinner, moved to a new place, etc. etc.

If’n you need some Kreisler, are in New Jersey, and happen to want to support Democrats (they may be ‘meh’, but have you seen the alternative?), please consider coming to this fundraiser on Wednesday, June 23, for the Somerset County Democrats.

Check out Facebook, Twitter, or the Get Rich Cheating blog for more frequent updates, snark, and pants!

For us showbiz-y types, creating a video representation of one’s abilities and experience is both vital & frustrating. Here’s the latest attempt to compile some of the many clips of my broadcast appearances. Vids of stand-up, acting, characters, writing, etc. can be found elsewhere on this site, starting here.

Feedback welcome.

To: Boss
From: Receptionist
Re: Missed calls while you were drinking with Rand Paul, BP, & Simon Cowell

- “House Votes to Eliminate Hedge Fund Tax Break”
But but but but… they were creating so many jobs!

- OMG! Did you hear about the accident at the offshore wind farm? A bird got totally knocked off course, gusts spilled everywhere, and the wings of a butterfly in China felt completely irrelevant.

- Did the White House try to offer Joe Sestak a job to drop out to the PA Democratic primary? Probably, but, come on… If they really meant it, it would’ve been an offer he couldn’t refuse.
Kreisler-Truth is, they didn’t really like Specter, and this story gives Sestak a leg up in the general election by making it look like he’s going against the Obama Administration. Like “Duplicity” or some kinda Clive Owen film you’ve never seen. I’m not sure I’ve seen it, either, but you have no choice but to believe me. A double agent, that’s what I’m going for… It’s a double agent thing… Like, um, something Jack Bauer would’ve done on “24” to get in with the Russians. Bam! There, I did it, I found a pop culture reference. Phew.

- What’s wrong with this pic? Everything.

- “Lehman Suits Seeks $5 Billion from JPMorgan”
I don’t like it when mommy and daddy fight… (especially since I thought “mommy” was dead).

- “Some folks” don’t think banks should pay into the future rescue fund as part of financial reform. Sure they should, if they want to be people, they have to pay their version of Social Security tax.

- Connecticut Republicans choose this guy’s wife to run for U.S. Senate.
We’re getting closer to the end of everything, aren’t we?

- Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper both passed away. See, this is why I have chosen to avoid fame. I don’t want to be “the third” on any celebrity death list. Totally my choice. Nothing to do with talent or luck or stupidstupidstupid people. I truly enjoy my limited edition, elite, selective, exclusive group of friends and fans… i.e. YOU!

Whoa.

Was in Minneapolis yesterday. Spoke to a high school AP English students about writing and their futures, then performed for the Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics conference. Yeah… both parts of that day are… um… “wrong.” (I’m not qualified to do either, but both went really well).

At both stops - the school and the gig - I randomly ran into people I went to college with. In Minneapolis. I went to college in New Jersey. What is going on?

Back in NYC after a 6 am flight (with connection). Land at LGA at 11:15, get message to be at CNN in an hour. Have I mentioned no sleep? To talk about Lindsay Lohan in court.* Have I mentioned no sleep? Somehow I made it, taped it, did it… so, tonight, 5pm & 11pm, check out “Showbiz Tonight” on HLN.

Wild few days. I need a nap.

* Not quite the most important of figures, but, in a way, Lilo is as much a threat to our future as North Korean subs, offshore drilling, and “The Jersey Shore.” Be strong, America…

“Justices limit life sentences for juveniles”
A 5 to 4 decision. Really, only 5 “Justices” think the mistakes of a teenager aren’t worth the end of a life?

“Putin blames mine leaders for skimping on safety”
See, American democracy is spreading! Blame shifting, dead workers for profit, empty rhetoric. Viva!

Sorry, just need to de-clutter the mind sometimes.

Finally, FINALLY, I get my due. Interviewed by a real journalist.

More at mattsky.com

Ta da!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Hey, new visitors. Take a look around, visit some links - especially GetRichCheating.com - and shoot me an email to get on the monthly list. New stand-up and other videos soon… or (cough cough) just hire me to write or perform for you. Or just enjoy life. Up to you. No pressure.

Sorry not much substantive stuff here lately. Busy (see below). Will have some news thoughts, plus Princeton show recap soon.*

STUFF:
- Just back from Durham, where I spoke to a couple classes of MBAs at the Fuqua SOB (School of Biz). Thanks to Prof. Ariely for allowing me to corrupt his kids.
- Thursday! I’ll be talking cheating and taxes, live on MSNBC, 4:45pm, on the Dylan Ratigan show.
- Thursday Night! Presenting the Get Rich Cheating seminar at Bentley University. They’re not as advanced as Fuqua-ers at Duke, but I’ll help them get there.

* While I mostly reminisced about places I did things that involved inebriation and/or the-lack-of-pants, I did have a nice moment gazing at the tree under which I read Anna Karenina… so the education paid off.

This kid knows…

Lots of flooding up in my native New England. Hope all’s well.
However… this article has a classic section:

Demetri Skalkos, co-owner of McNamara’s liquor store, said about three feet of water stood in the basement. He said he was worried about losing business over the busy Easter period.
“This is the Holy Week,” he said. “… If we don’t do business now, when are we going to do business?”

Liquor store. Holy Week. When else will they do business? I mean, people have to spend time with family this week…

and scene

This happened last night. An evening to honor the publication of George Carlin’s posthumous “sortabiography” Last Words.
(Quotes attributed to individuals are not necessarily verbatim).

In the house: Steve Martin, Whoopi Goldberg, Kevin Smith, Louis CK, Kelly Carlin, Patrick Carlin, Rain Pryor, Dylan Brody, The Stillers (Ben, Amy, Jerry & Anne Meara), Caroline Rhea, Floyd Abrams, Lewis Lapham, Tony Hendra, and more. There, I’ve dropped names. Let’s move on.

It was an inspiring evening. So inspiring, in fact, that here is only a brief rundown of what you missed, lest I spend all my inspiration on a recap of the past rather than a leap into the future. (Sfx: Laser montage)

Opening video: Carlin doing his routine comparing God and Joe Pesci.
(Kinda cool watching it in the gap between the heads of Ben Stiller & his mom [I was third row]).

Guy from the NYPL noting how we honored a “fan of words” in a library… then using many of those words describing upcoming programs and how we can donate. No tote bags were offered.

Whoopi, the host, describing her first exposure to Carlin (her mom had her watch a show) and how she thought, “If he could walk that line of funny, so could I.”

Oh the irony of this night ending the day where so many lamented Joe Biden’s use of one of the seven words.
(more…)

Amazing, inspiring night. George Carlin honored by Hendra, the Stiller clan, Steve Martin, Floyd Abrams, Kevin Smith, Dylan Brody, Lewis CK, Lewis Lapham, Whoopi, & his family. At the NYPL.
Names dropped… now everyone go back to writing!